Posts Tagged “hazardous”

Introducing CHADBOT!

CHADBOT on wheels!

Mining Asteroids For Knowledge: CHAD Institute plans lofty space venture!

Live PowerPoint presentation from Asteroid DA14 on January 31st!

First infotainment mission in space will feature talking robot, PowerPoint, beverages, snacks.

PORTLAND, EARTH: Today, the Center for Humorism and Amusement Dynamics announced plans to launch an experimental spacecraft, CHADSAT 4, to rendezvous with a giant asteroid that will zoom past Earth in mid February.

The spacecraft — said to be roughly as small and uncomfortable as a mid-80's Japanese hatchback — will blast off on the evening of January 31st, coinciding with "Space CHAD", the fourth trimonthly CHAD Conference held at the Jack London Bar in Portland, Oregon.

"The mission of CHAD is to astonish human minds," explained CHAD Chief Scientist Mykle Hansen at a press conference in Baikonur, Oregon, "using loud noises and bright, blinking lights. Spaceships have tons of that stuff!"

CHADSAT 4 will be the first spacecraft launched by a non-profit; its development was funded entirely through Kickstarter, a series of bake sales, and what Hansen called "a solid partnership with our major creditors, the Discover Card — It Pays To Discover!"

In another first, the low-budget space mission will be piloted and narrated by an intelligent guidance/entertainment system called CHADBOT, that is able to communicate its feelings via Skype. "CHADBOT may not be the first autonomous space robot," said Hansen, "but we are confident he will be the snarkiest."

The robot will maintain two-way communication with the CHAD Conference, allowing attendees to follow its progress toward the icy space-rock known as 2012 DA14. This asteroid, discovered early last year by astronomers in Spain, will pass closer to earth than any extrasolar object ever tracked. Recent orbital calculations by NASA scientists have allayed concerns that the asteroid might strike Earth.

"That means it won't hit us," noted Hansen. "'Allayed' means 'made okay.'"

Upon arrival, CHADBOT will orbit the asteroid, sample its core, and distribute space-merch. The entire mission will be presented live via video at SPACE Chad, along with the main program of satirical slideshows from local comedians, writers and space experts including Andrew Dickson, B. Frayn Masters, Wm. Steven Humphrey, Danny Norton, Scott Rogers, and Whitney Streed.

A limited number of tickets to SPACE Chad are still available via Brown Paper Tickets: . Doors open at 8:00pm, and CHADSAT 4 blasts off at 8:30.

The CHAD Institute is a non-profitable consortium for the blowing of minds through technology. Learn more at .

More information about 2012DA14, the asteroid that will probably not kill us:

Space CHAD!



CHAD Chats 4: Space CHAD!

Thursday, January 31st, 2013
8:30pm (doors at 8pm)
@ The Jack London Bar
529 SW 4th Ave, Portland, OR

$7 in advance/ $10 at the door
Tickets on sale now!

Today, the Center for Humorism and Amusement Dynamics announces humankind's first evening of satirical PowerPoint presentations in the zero-gravity environment of deep space!

This mission, codenamed SPACE CHAD, will launch on January 31st at 8:30pm from the Jack London Bar in downtown Portland, Oregon. Attendees will sip space-drinks, sit in space-chairs, and view mind-boggling space-slides presented by some of the greatest minds in humor and astrophysics, including:

  • eBay Power Seller and Space Coach ANDREW DICKSON, presenting "The Wizard Of Oz Is Not A Kid's Story";
  • Portland Mercury Editor-In-Chief and Robot Hunter Wm. STEVEN HUMPHREY, presenting "Apes and Robots: Why Murdering Them Now Protects Our Future of Tomorrow Then!";
  • Writer and Space Hostess B. FRAYN MASTERS, presenting "S is for Space and also for Scandal!";
  • Videoastronomer and Disgruntled Postal Worker DANNY NORTON, presenting "A Self-Referential Guide to Meta";
  • Comedian and Fuel Maintenance Technician SCOTT ROGERS, presenting "High Fructose Corn Syrup: The Sweet Surprising Truth!";
  • Orbital Upright Humor Platform WHITNEY STREED, presenting "Women: An Inquiry";
  • Famous Author and Space Host MYKLE HANSEN will coordinate the mission and liaise with the space-hungry public throughout the evening.

At CHAD Chats, enlightenment, endrinkenment and enlaughenment are scientifically assured! Boarding begins at 8pm, and the mission shall rendezvous with destiny at 8:30pm sharp on Thursday, January 31st at The Jack London Bar, located at 529 SW 4th Ave in the basement of the Rialto Poolroom. Admission is $7 in advance, $10 at door. Music and stimulating chit-chat to follow.

FOR MORE INFORMATION, contact mykle (at) or streed.jokes (at), follow @CHADbot on Twitter, or navigate to our interweb sitenet at .