Mining Asteroids For Knowledge: CHAD Institute plans lofty space venture!
Live PowerPoint presentation from Asteroid DA14 on January 31st!
First infotainment mission in space will feature talking robot, PowerPoint, beverages, snacks.
PORTLAND, EARTH: Today, the Center for Humorism and Amusement Dynamics announced plans to launch an experimental spacecraft, CHADSAT 4, to rendezvous with a giant asteroid that will zoom past Earth in mid February.
The spacecraft — said to be roughly as small and uncomfortable as a mid-80's Japanese hatchback — will blast off on the evening of January 31st, coinciding with "Space CHAD", the fourth trimonthly CHAD Conference held at the Jack London Bar in Portland, Oregon.
"The mission of CHAD is to astonish human minds," explained CHAD Chief Scientist Mykle Hansen at a press conference in Baikonur, Oregon, "using loud noises and bright, blinking lights. Spaceships have tons of that stuff!"
CHADSAT 4 will be the first spacecraft launched by a non-profit; its development was funded entirely through Kickstarter, a series of bake sales, and what Hansen called "a solid partnership with our major creditors, the Discover Card — It Pays To Discover!"
In another first, the low-budget space mission will be piloted and narrated by an intelligent guidance/entertainment system called CHADBOT, that is able to communicate its feelings via Skype. "CHADBOT may not be the first autonomous space robot," said Hansen, "but we are confident he will be the snarkiest."
The robot will maintain two-way communication with the CHAD Conference, allowing attendees to follow its progress toward the icy space-rock known as 2012 DA14. This asteroid, discovered early last year by astronomers in Spain, will pass closer to earth than any extrasolar object ever tracked. Recent orbital calculations by NASA scientists have allayed concerns that the asteroid might strike Earth.
"That means it won't hit us," noted Hansen. "'Allayed' means 'made okay.'"
Upon arrival, CHADBOT will orbit the asteroid, sample its core, and distribute space-merch. The entire mission will be presented live via video at SPACE Chad, along with the main program of satirical slideshows from local comedians, writers and space experts including Andrew Dickson, B. Frayn Masters, Wm. Steven Humphrey, Danny Norton, Scott Rogers, and Whitney Streed.
A limited number of tickets to SPACE Chad are still available via Brown Paper Tickets: http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/315070 . Doors open at 8:00pm, and CHADSAT 4 blasts off at 8:30.
The CHAD Institute is a non-profitable consortium for the blowing of minds through technology. Learn more at http://thisischad.com .
Today, the Center for Humorism and Amusement Dynamics announces humankind's first evening of satirical PowerPoint presentations in the zero-gravity environment of deep space!
This mission, codenamed SPACE CHAD, will launch on January 31st at 8:30pm from the Jack London Bar in downtown Portland, Oregon. Attendees will sip space-drinks, sit in space-chairs, and view mind-boggling space-slides presented by some of the greatest minds in humor and astrophysics, including:
eBay Power Seller and Space Coach ANDREW DICKSON, presenting "The Wizard Of Oz Is Not A Kid's Story";
Portland Mercury Editor-In-Chief and Robot Hunter Wm. STEVEN HUMPHREY, presenting "Apes and Robots: Why Murdering Them Now Protects Our Future of Tomorrow Then!";
Writer and Space Hostess B. FRAYN MASTERS, presenting "S is for Space and also for Scandal!";
Videoastronomer and Disgruntled Postal Worker DANNY NORTON, presenting "A Self-Referential Guide to Meta";
Comedian and Fuel Maintenance Technician SCOTT ROGERS, presenting "High Fructose Corn Syrup: The Sweet Surprising Truth!";
Orbital Upright Humor Platform WHITNEY STREED, presenting "Women: An Inquiry";
Famous Author and Space Host MYKLE HANSEN will coordinate the mission and liaise with the space-hungry public throughout the evening.
At CHAD Chats, enlightenment, endrinkenment and enlaughenment are scientifically assured! Boarding begins at 8pm, and the mission shall rendezvous with destiny at 8:30pm sharp on Thursday, January 31st at The Jack London Bar, located at 529 SW 4th Ave in the basement of the Rialto Poolroom. Admission is $7 in advance, $10 at door. Music and stimulating chit-chat to follow.
FOR MORE INFORMATION, contact mykle (at) mykle.com or streed.jokes (at) gmail.com, follow @CHADbot on Twitter, or navigate to our interweb sitenet at www.thisischad.com .
CHAD Chats are coming to Seattle! CHAD, the Center for Humorism and Amusement Dynamics, will bring our conference of satirical PowerPoint presentations and scientifically calibrated jokes to the Emerald City next month as a part of SketchFest Seattle! On Saturday October 6th at the Theater Off Jackson, watch some of Earth's mightiest brains uncork themselves and spill their genius upon the projection screen:
Global inspiration pioneer and internal power mentor LANCE BANKS — creator of LanceLife, the Comprehensive Total Life System — will take us on an interactive tour of "The Y-O-Universe";
Pro-life/anti-birth advocate CARRIE TWOTERM will explore the scientific, moral, and religious implications of the topic "Where Babies Come From, Where They Go When They Die, and Why This All Is Your Fault";
World-renowned astrophysicist and beloved internet meme CARL SAGAN will unveil astonishing new speculations about the Cosmos he lives in, speaking on "Science and Humanity";
and Famous Author and CHAD spokesfounder MYKLE HANSEN will evangelize the CHAD mission, introduce the presenters, and deflect questions.
We at CHAD are particularly amazed to share our mind/bodyspace at Seattle SketchFest with upstanding local stand-up Rick Taylor and Texan sketch comedy group STAG. The evening will be hosted deftly by Kate Jaeger. A mind-expanding good time is highly probable!
Show starts promptly at 9pm on Saturday, October 6th at The Theater Off Jackson, located at 409 7th Avenue South. Tickets $15 in advance at Brown Paper Tickets: http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/271717 or available at the door.
FOR MORE CHAD INFO, contact mykle (at) mykle.com or streed.jokes (at) gmail.com, follow @thinkchad on Twitter, or navigate to our interweb sitenet at www.thisischad.com .
CHAD Chats are back, and they're safer than ever! The CHAD Institute, a not-yet-profitable foundation devoted to the creation and destruction of knowledge, presents SAFETY THIRD, their newest program of satirical PowerPoint presentations from the finest minds in Humor, Science, History, Child Slavery, and Personal Empowerment. Inquiring minds and thirsty lips are invited to seize control of their host bodies and converge on The Jack London Bar on August 16th at 8pm. We assure you that all necessary safety precautions have been taken and that there is absolutely nothing to worry about.
This time around enjoy a series of all-new Chats, by new CHAD participants and returning favorites:
Global inspiration pioneer and internal power mentor LANCE BANKS — creator of LanceLife, the Comprehensive Total Life System — will re-empower us with a life-skills demonstration entitled "I've Got Your Back";
STEPHANIE PURTLE, comedian and V.P. of Viacom's Community Rehabilitation Action Program (CRAP), will unveil exciting new advances in the suppression of teenagers, in "Service Learning through Active Visioning Educating Reality-TV Youth (SLAVERY)!";
Historian and comedic thaumaturge PHILIP SCHALLBERGER will explore the curing of ailments both demonic and bodily with his talk "Medieval Medicine: The Cutting Edge";
Writer, cartoonist, and costume-maker MARK RUSSEL will muse on the fan-fictional nature of ancient Christian texts in "What Is the Bible?";
Famous Author and CHAD co-flounder MYKLE HANSEN will revisit his exploration of life's toughest issue with a newly updated version of his talk "Death: Is It For You?";
Plus a possible post-mortem appearance by astrophysicist and internet meme CARL SAGAN.
Comedian and punofficial CHAD spokseperson WHITNEY STREED will deftly guide the evening to its predetermined conclusion, during which time not one single person will be in harm's way.
Presentations begin safely at 8:30pm (doors at 8pm) on Thursday, August 16th at The Jack London Bar, located at 529 SW 4th Ave in the basement of the Rialto Poolroom. Tickets are $10 at the door, or $7 in advance from Brown Paper Tickets.
FOR MORE INFORMATION, contact mykle (at) mykle.com or streed.jokes (at) gmail.com, follow @thinkchad on Twitter, or navigate to our interweb sitenet at www.thisischad.com .
A profile on CHAD Chats by Jule Gilfillan, now up at Oregon Public Broadcasting's official site!
Last November, I attend a pilot presentation for an organization about which I knew very little. I arrived at the dimly lit bar in North Portland and was greeted by a friendly man in a suit — a Soylentis Spokesmodel, I later learned — who handed me a nametag.
"Hello my name is CHAD," it read.
As my eyes adjusted, I realized we were all "CHAD." What was this mysterious CHAD? I wondered.
CHAD Chats are back! The CHAD Institute — a not-yet-profitable foundation dedicated to expanding and collapsing the human mind — returns with an all-new evening of satirical PowerPoint presentations from some of the finest minds in Humor, Science, Literature, Infotainment and Other Important Subjects.
Comedian and World Palindrome Champion MARK SALTVEIT will audiovisualize "The Mystical History of Palindromes: Revelations of Sotadic Truth."
Local pro-life advocate CARRIE TWOTERM (assisted by Whitney Streed) will engage in a scientific, religious, and dialectic discussion with herself entitled "Where Babies Come From, Where They Go When They Die, and Why This All Is Your Fault."
Magician JUSTIN HANES will delve into the science of non-science with "Tomorrow's Yesterday: Why Alastair Crowley Was Right."
Global inspiration pioneer and internal power mentor LANCE BANKS—creator of LanceLife, the Comprehensive Total Life System—will wow the unwowed with his motivational presentation “Let’s Get Down to Business.”
World-renowned astrophysicist and beloved internet meme CARL SAGAN (channeled by Christian Ricketts) returns with a fresh slideshow on "The Importance of Science in our Daily Lives."
Famous author MYKLE HANSEN will introduce the presenters, present the introducers, and master ceremoniously throughout the evening.
At CHAD Chats enlightenment, endrinkenment and enlaughenment are scientifically assured! Presentations begin promptly at 8pm on Thursday, May 17th at The Jack London Bar, located at 529 SW 4th Ave in the basement of the Rialto Poolroom. $5 – $10 sliding scale admission. Music and stimulating chit-chat to follow the show.
FOR MORE INFORMATION, contact mykle (at) mykle.com or streed.jokes (at) gmail.com, follow @thinkchad on Twitter, or navigate to our interweb sitenet at www.thisischad.com .
CHAD CHATS, the 2011 Conference d'CHAD, took place at Portland's SARATOGA BAR on November 11th of that year. Whitney Streed, CHAD Executive Directrix and professional Mistress of Ceremonies, was our cheerful and thought-provoking hostess. No less than five mirthful, mindblowing multimedia CHAD Chats were delivered, leaving conference attendees simultaneously stunned and refreshed. This helpful chart illustrates the impressive degree of mind-expansion that took place:
That evening Virginia Jones, Professor Emeritus at the NIKE Institute For The Study Of Just Doing It, unveiled the secret connection between Abraham Lincoln's assassination and men's pants. Social scientist Dax Jordan explored the astrophysics of gender. Applied Poeticist Reuben Nisenfeld demonstrated the power of Nothing. Our very special guest the late Carl Sagan (channeled by Christian Ricketts) deftly summarized the universe. And Soylentis Spokesmodel Mykle Hansen enthused about how kittens can end world hunger.
The entire evening's CHAD tableau of cranium-fellating infotainment chats were documented by the crack CHAD team of on-site documentarians, led by Dr. Danny Norton. All of these videos will soon be available on internet websites near your head, as part of CHAD's ongoing mission to plant healthy ideas in the fertile minds of vegetables.
